Sunday, November 20, 2011

Subject: 5-Minute Life Management Course; Lessons for Everything

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower,

when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor..

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked

in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to what is going on with your finances

with your spouse in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable

exposure, embarrassment and hurt feelings.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide

up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It

said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A man, his wife , and eldest son are walking to lunch

when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.

'Me first! Me first!' says the husband 'I want to be in the Bahamas

driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.

Puff! He's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the son. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing

on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina

Coladas and the sexiest woman in the world.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the husband.

The wife says, 'I want those two back at the yard work after lunch.

Moral of the story:

Always let your spouse have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and

do nothing?

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a

sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I

haven't got the energy.

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.

They're packed with nutrients..'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him

enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second


Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the

top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree..

Moral of the story:

B. S. might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to

the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung

on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to

realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,

and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

  1. Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.

    (2) Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.

    (3 ) And when you're in deep crap, it's best to keep your mouth shut! Here endeth the 5 minute life course. Bright Blessings, Light Love and 
    Chessie Roberts

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