Sunday, June 17, 2012


I was having my hair cut the other day and the gentleman in the chair next to me and I struck up a conversation about people in a relationship. He said that he had learned in his life to just say “Yes dear, that is lovely! No, really, I love it.” no matter how it looked. I countered that it wasn't that way with my husband and me. If he thought something looked off, wrong or not flattering, he would tell me so. The man said “and you get mad and there is a fight right?”

I took a few seconds to think about it and decided that I could answer with all honesty, “No, we don't fight. I ask for his opinion expecting honesty and I get it. Why should I be mad when I asked for his truthful opinion?” My conversation partner, and the hair dresser were both unconvinced. They decided that I was being duped and that my take on it was all wrong....this made me sad, not for me but for them.

On my way home and for a few hours after this encounter I pondered this topic. Are all relationships as dishonest and shallow as the one they had described? When I got home I posed the conversation to my husband and he raised an eyebrow and asked me if I was questioning his veracity at this late date (we have been married almost 19 years) I told him no, that I was wondering about other people.

One of the things that gets promised in most wedding vows is to love, honor, and cherish the other person. I am forced, in light of this conversation, to wonder how one can love, honor or cherish their chosen partner and lie to them on a daily basis. If you truly do love someone you don't send them out the door looking bad when all you had to do was say something like, I think the blue one looks better on you, or no that hat doesn’t flatter you. By the same token, if you don't want the truth, DON'T ASK FOR IT. If you do ask, then don't get mad at the answer. Stop and think for a minute how ridiculous that exercise truly is. In asking what you don't want a truthful answer to, you are setting your partner up to start a disagreement...why would you do that except to create drama. Why do you feel that is a good idea. If you want to fight, why not just ask for your significant other to tell you a whopper of a lie about anything and fight about that? Or to be more honest about it say “I want to fight with you because our life is peaceful and wonderful and I would rather it be mean and awful.” and start your fight that way? Sounds pretty stupid right? Well it is no more stupid than the constant lying.

Next time you are about to ask a question, decide whether your question is worthy of the truth and  important enough to ask or are you just starting some drama. Do you really want the truth? When it's your turn to answer, you might ask whether the person asking wants the truth or are they just making noise; if you aren't sure, ask them. Try and start a new tradition of truth and respect in your relationship, you may be surprised how easy it is and how much better you feel.

I hope this has given you some insight into something that may make your life more love filled and less dramatic. “May the entire Universe be filled with Peace and Joy, Love and Light. May the light of Truth overcome all darkness! Victory to that Light! Jai!”

Bright Blessings Chessie
© Chessie Roberts 2012 All rights reserved

1 comment:

  1. I have noticed in my short existence on this planet that many of my friends have been divorced. Okay honestly,the majority of them. Only my husband and I have managed to stay together for over 20 years, from the onset. Lots of our friends have gotten remarried, and some of them successfully, but some seem stuck in the drama rut. What's the drama rut you may ask? Simply, it's the game we often play in high school or college after we begin dating someone that starts with "did he/she say anything about me?" digging for information outside the source. Shortly followed by "what did he/she say about me?" wanting some reassurance but again instead of going to the source expecting the "game of telephone" to give you an accurate answer. Finally the herd of drama lamas cascades down the slope and ends in the all too familiar (notice how that word ends in LIAR) explosion of emotion and energy that would/could/and should have been avoided from the onset by SIMPLY GOING TO THE SOURCE AND ASKING THE TRUTH. Some counselors and psychiatrists will tell you it's a "trust issue" some will even tell you it's a "destructive behavioral pattern" and worse yet "learned from our youth". Maybe we should address our issues with SELF honesty first. I am currently trying to address this issue with my own teens and tweens. They will come home upset and start in with "Billy said this" or "Mandy said that" and ask them to look at the truth in the situation... more often then not, they problem was with their inquiry rather then in the answer.

    Truth is a tough issue with humans. Some like to say it's in our DNA... I think they are wrong. I think we are programmed as children by the adults in our lives how to live. Unless we as adults recognize this flaw and do what we can to change it for the better in the next generation, reprogram as it would be. The human brain is a computer, the one that runs our body, but your thoughts, deeds, memories and emotions are your software. You write your own programs, you can CHOSE as the programmer how your computer runs, how it processes information. Chose your programs wisely.