PLASTIC PEOPLE

The first plastic was created by Alexander Parkes in1862. He presented his invention at the Great International Exhibition in London. The substance was called  Parkesine. It was an organic material that came from cellulose could be heated, molded, shaped and would keep its shape after it cooled.

In the 1950's plastics became an inexpensive substitute for many things; drinking glasses, tableware, vases, bowls, storage containers of all sorts and shapes. A cheap, shiny substitute for a more substantial and better quality thing.  Seeing the disappointment on some of the faces in the stores when they thought they had found a beautiful glass bowl at a great price only to find it was plastic gave me to believe that this was not a fashionable substance to own.

In the 60s, plastic again reared it's unfashionable head but with a new take. This time it referred to people. The cheap, shiny substitute for a more substantial and better quality person. You know the ones, those who are so self absorbed to notice that there are others in the world. Those that care for “what they look like to others”, what shows on the outside with no regard for what is on the inside where it counts. The users, the fakers, those with no spiritual quality or core values.

Now understand that we all must grow through this plastic part of life and most do but there are those who never figure this out. When you tailor your persona to suit a perceived situation, you do yourself a disservice. You are hiding your true Self, not only from those around you but from your self. This creates and internal dichotomy within your emotional and energetic self that is akin to lying. This will cause you to become ill on some level. If done long enough, you will suffer and not understand why.

Dr Phil said ,”The tip for today has to do with your feelings from the inside out. One of the problems that compromises our self-esteem is that we tend to make the mistake of comparing our personal reality with everyone else's social mask. Of course, they're putting their best foot forward. Of course, they are shielding from you their flaws and fallacies. It doesn't mean they don't have them. And if you make that comparison of your reality with their social mask, you're going to lose every time.”

This is very good advice. People have the tenancy to forget that “things and people are not what they seem.” understand that EVERYONE'S life has ups and downs whether we see them or not. You can not live your life according to what you think you see in others. Plastic people are always behind a mask, always showing only pretty, shiny, substitutes of themselves.

Understand that I am speaking of a persona, not the true person. If you meet someone who is exactly what they appear to be; happy, filled with joy and love, caring, you will know because you will feel it. If they are putting up a facade, you will feel that too.

To be plastic is, in actually, to lie, both to yourself and those around you. This will adversely affect you and you health. Studies have shown that all that fibbing can lead to headaches, sore throats, and feeling sad and stressed. Begin to notice the coloration between what you are projecting and how you feel, this can be a litmus test for you to know how truthful you really are.

When you reach the time in your life where you can be the real you without shame, guilt or judgment, you will find that you can allow others to be who/what they are and life will shine...like sun through crystal. Bright Blessings, Chessie

© Chessie Roberts 2012, all rights reserved

“May the entire Universe be filled with Peace and Joy, Love and Light. May the light of Truth overcome all darkness! Victory to that Light! Jai!”

WHY WE SHOULDN'T TAKE THINGS SO PERSONALLY AND HOW TO STOP

WHY WE SHOULDN'T TAKE THINGS SO PERSONALLY AND HOW TO STOP

I don't know about you but sometimes, despite the determined effort on my part to be a detached adult, I fall victim to some offhand comment by someone who can not possibly know anything about me, that I take personally. I allow the remark to make me feel small and ineffectual because it blind-sides me on a deep personal level. This causes a knee-jerk reaction in me that I don't even realize is there until it happens....and “poof” I'm a child again. I know from conversations with clients, friends and family members that this happens to ALL of us at one time or another.

So the question arises; “Why does this happen?” “How do we stop it?” Part of the situation lies in our childhood (don't roll your eyes, it IS where it starts) During punishment, a lot of the time we are made to feel small, ineffectual, wrong and worthless. If we grow up with out an opportunity to turn that around (and sometimes, even if we were) a situation arises that throws us right back into the mind-set. I have battled this most of my adult life and still it gets past me so I thought I would share some of my strategies with you today.

 

As we learn to stay on an even keel here we find we can stay powerful without losing our center, we stay in control of our own person, we stay grounded because we know that we are in charge of us and this is a reward in and of itself. Once you allow yourself to experience this state of being and realize how good it feels, you will want to be in that mind-stream all the time.

Listen to what you say when you talk to yourself. Most of the scenarios are self righteous rants that have absolutely nothing to do with what really happened, they are about what you may wish had happened. You always play the role of the victim in your story and you always come out on top. As you investigate your tales of woe, you will see patterns in them that can lead you to what is going on in your head when these events occur. When you begin to see these patterns, you can then identify your “pay-off” and can begin to change your mental actions to create new, empowering thought processes.

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“Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about "me."{The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz}

“What others think about is none of your business.”{anon}

When we react “personally” we allow ourselves to be poisoned by a supposed thought process. The person who spoke was responding to their own feelings and more than likely had given no thought to you and your feelings at all. Most of the time an attack comes because of how they feel, not because of you. Allowing another person to pull your strings is to give away your power to them whether you know them or not.

OK so what do we do to stop it? I have some ways I use that might be helpful to you;

Don't jump to the conclusion that someone is trying to hurt you; If this is a habit of this behavior (and they all are habits) it is your habitual thought process to think that you are being attacked. Chances are that they are having a bad day, possibly they are thinking about something else and you just got in the way. Maybe they thought they were joking. Your first thought may be to react emotionally, but stop for a minute and remember that you are not the center of the universe and just maybe it's not about you at all. But imposing this short time out on yourself, you allow your emotions time to settle on the side of calm rather than to fly off the handle and be offended or hurt.

Change your perspective from “how you feel” to “What are they really saying”. If you stay in the “how I feel” mind-stream, you will stay focused on the unpleasant feelings that you are experiencing, and when you wallow in those feelings, they get worse. If you are taking into consideration where the other person is coming from you can see different options;

Ask yourself, “How does this person act toward others? Do they insult or tease everyone? Just certain people? Some people don't know any better or are on the offensive all of the time. This is NOT your fault nor your problem, don't own it.

Could the other person possibly feel threatened by you in some way? If you can see how they might, try to find a way to help them get over it, don't lower yourself to raise another.

Maybe the other person hasn't learned how to deal with others and situations in a mature way. You can be more patient with someone throwing a temper tantrum when you realize they are acting from a place of ignorance and immaturity than you can if you are coming from the same place.

Don't call your committee and rehash the incident. This is an immature form of wallowing that keeps you in a state of victim think. It prolongs the drama and reinforces the feelings and reaction that you say you are trying to out grow/let go of.

Realize that you are sensitive to what you think others are thinking Because of this you have strong reactions to body English, voice tone and inflection that signal you that you are in the wrong, whether you are or not. This is learned behavior and, if you work at it a bit you can unlearn it. You do not need the approval of others, you do not need to fix any thing or anyone (but yourself) Just because someone is displeased either with you or the situation it does not mean that you are at fault; however, if you ACT like you feel at fault, it will be assumed that you are.

“I am not sure you know how your words/actions make me feel.” Tell the offending person just how you feel. You can't assume they know if you don't tell them, they may just be venting and not have a clue how the fall-out is affecting those who are hearing it. Speak gently but with authority (whether you actually feel it or not) Use non confrontational words and be as pleasant as you can. This may open a dialog that can fix a lot of issues, be sure to use active listening.

Don't rely on praise to help you feel better; Complements are nice and have their place in life but don't allow them to be your bench mark for your self worth. When you do you are still allowing others to decide how YOU feel about yourself you are just taking your information from a different direction. When you receive a compliment take it as no more than that persons observational statement. It is just their opinion, not a reflection on you but a statement about what they liked.

Make your offering without shame or guilt; Some people will like what you offer and some will not and that is all right. You never know when your humble offering is just what some one needed to turn their life around or make it better. You don't even need to know who or when.

Time can be a cause of seeming indifference; Don't be offended because you don't get a response right away. You are not the other person's priority. They will get to you when they can. Depending upon your request you may want to contact them again in an appropriate amount of time.

Our society is so fast moving we often receive or send what feels like a snippy answer. When and if this happens don't react...take time to cool down and act (from your angry, hurt, or upset response) and then reread the e-mail/text with a cooler head. Don't put any emotion into it, just read it, then respond in a clam, loving and understanding way.

If you don't understand or feel you are misinterpreting a reaction, ask. One year I was given a beautiful leather jacket as a Christmas present by my son and his family. When I tried it on it didn't fit so I showed him it didn't fit while apologizing a blue streak for not fitting inside it, mu guilt fueled by the look of disappointment on his face. He said he was sorry too and walked out of the room. For many months I squirmed not knowing if I had hurt his feelings or what was going to happen, I was afraid to ask, for 3 months. One day I got up the nerve to ask my daughter-in-law if I had offended them by not just taking the jacket. She looked stunned and then laughed, “No, of course not, didn't he tell you what we are doing about it?” With that one question we opened communication and got it all straight. I will ask sooner next time. Know that it is OK to ask.

The other side of asking is listening; Pay attention to what the other person is saying. Don't be so busy thinking up your next statement that you miss what is being said, that is how miscommunication happens. As you listen you may realize that your first thought was way off the mark. One you learn to actively listen and do it all the time, you will lessen the times that you misunderstand or react emotionally.

It is alright to walk away; if you feel that you will lose your cool, walk away until you are under control and then, if it is really important to you, go back and with nonjudgmental language, discuss it with the other person. Don't assign blame or make excuses. You might say something like “I feel that I may have misunderstood what you were trying to tell me earlier, I am ready to try again if you are.”

As you grow through your life and learn to handle first one thing and then another, your ability to communicate without losing you own center or giving over your power to someone else will serve you well. You will be well on your way to your Evolution of Self; Journey into Body, Mind, Spirit Balance! Bright Blessings, Chessie

© Chessie Roberts 2012, all rights reserved

TO SEE AND TO BE SEEN IS UBUNTU

TO SEE AND TO BE SEEN IS UBUNTU

In the movie AVATAR the Pandorains greeted each other with the phrase, “I see you.” I felt that resonate deeply within me and wondered why that might be. Then one day, many months later I came across what I feel may be an explanation for it.

The Zulu People of Africa use this same greeting. The article broke the meaning down into 4 parts and I will examine them here. The first part of the greeting is for the people to look deeply onto the eyes of the other. This is a difficult thing for us in the west to do because we seem to avoid eye contact as often as we can. Looking directly into the eyes of another creates a very deep and intimate contact, closer to a contact between souls than just between the surface of two people. Because of this, the deeper, clearer and more honest the communication will be.

The second part is the response to the initial greeting, it is “I am here to be seen”. This is a calling for the inner spirit of the person, the bare “I am” of the individual to come forward and be in the moment. To take an active and responsible part in the verbal exchange. Not on the surface but deep down inside, where it truly matters. Sort of a statement of intent to be honest, naked before you, nothing between us, no judgment.

To announce that you actually see the other person is deeply powerful for both parties, It allows and offers the ability to see the other person as they are, as they were intended to be, as the Creator made them, that they exist in a world that is usually rather narrowly focused on the self rather than on those around us. This simple statement; “I see you” denotes respect and equality; authenticity and dare I say it? Love. Love and acceptance that they too belong on the earth with us and have the right to voice their truths too? It also seems to invite us, all of us, to be here now, to be present in our lives with conscious awareness and honest, open, clear intent.

Here is where ubuntu comes into play. It is a Zulu word that speaks to the Zulu doctrine of belief. The word ubuntu closely means “humanity toward all.” this includes a support system that edifies everyone, that creates a coming together of people as equals and important in their own right. It bestows value and worth up everyone, it requires that each truly see the best in both themselves and in the other. This is true unconditional love. Love is, after all, the driving force of the universe. It also invites us to be. To be in our own lives, the lives of others and to participate in all that entails. You can't live your life if you aren't in it and, now, right now because “I see you”, step up and “see” those around you and live.

Love, Light, Laughter, Bright Blessings and Ubuntu Chessie

© Chessie Roberts 2011, all rights reserved.

STANDING IN YOUR OWN POWER

STANDING IN YOUR OWN POWER

How does one stand in their own power? First thing you need to do is to determine who is holding your power right now. We are taught to give it away at an early age. We learn quickly to live our lives by committee and not make any decisions without the approval of those around us. Secondly you need to decide if you want to stay in that situation or do you want to take back what is yours; whether you gave it willingly, grudgingly or unknowingly it is still your power.

We have to give over our power to those who raise us in order to survive but when we reach a certain maturity level, we should learn to take it back. Instead we trust others with our opinions and feelings. Every time we look to them for approval for any decision we may make, we give them some of our power. The medical profession has done a stellar job of convincing us that we should listen only to them when it comes to our physicality. When we allow someone to anger us, hurt us or make us sad, we give away some more of our power. The list of others we look to for approval is rather large when you count it up; friends, relatives, agencies, and other well-meaning people who seem to know more about what we require than we do. Pretty soon, we have no power of our own and we wonder why we feel so helpless.

The truth of the matter is that we are only as helpless as we think we are. Others control us only as much as we allow them to. Think about exactly where your power is leaking, who/what do you go to for validation and acceptance? How angry do you get in any particular circumstance or around certain people? Who do you allow to make you sad?

Dr Wayne Dyer says,” Release the need to be upset with others. Remember that any time you are filled with resentment you are turning the controls of your emotional life over to others to manipulate.” When you are strong in your own power, no one and nothing can deter you from your path. So the next time you feel an emotion about something or some one ask yourself if you really want to give that thing or person the ability to manipulate you. If you do then go ahead but don't whine about it later. If you do not,good for you , you have taken the first step in taking back and standing in your own power.

Bright Blessings, Chessie

© Chessie Roberts 2011, all rights reserved

WHO IS HOLDING YOUR POWER?

WHO IS HOLDING YOUR POWER?

A few months ago a dear friend of mine asked me a question concerning suicide; “What would do if everything you do is wrong? When everything you say is wrong? Why not just end it all, just put an end to everything?”

I told my friend that this is a question that only they could answer. But I ask you to consider; why would you (the collective you) give ANYONE that much power over you, your life, and your mindset? Who are they to hold your personal power in such contempt and why in the name of common sense would you allow it? If you mean so little to yourself how do you expect anyone else to see your worth? Maybe the problem is not in "saying the wrong thing". Maybe the real issue is in your need to love yourself and in doing so, take your power back, stop living your life through what you think others think of you and stand in your own power and reclaim the soul that is the true you. And there is the truth of the entire thing.

You, each and every one of you, all of us are SOULS living a human existence. We are here to learn whatever it is that we came here to learn. We CHOSE to come here in order that we learn, accomplish and teach. We did not come here to live our lives by committee or to throw up our hands and lie down and be a victim. We did not come here to see how sick we can make ourselves and our planet. We came here to enlighten ourselves and to share that with those around us. We were created to be happy, healthy, loving and to be the best that we can be.

This week I challenge you to take your power back. To own your happiness, create it, share it, enjoy it and embrace it. See you as the divine creation that you are and stop being a victim in any way, no matter how small. If you have already started on this path I congratulate you and ask you to see how you can share your information with others. Just as you can’t diminish the flame from a candle by lighting another from it, sharing happiness, love and gratitude does not diminish you, sharing only makes the good feelings grow, Bright Blessings, Chessie

© Chessie Roberts 2011, all rights reserved.