PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING

There is an old joke about how we see the glass half full or..: An optimist says the glass is half full... a pessimist says the glass is half empty...manager asks whether you are pouring or drinking...an engineer says the container is twice the size it needs to be...A realist says it doesn’t matter. It's just gonna have to be washed later anyways...The FDA says the glass has a design flaw and needs to be sent back to China to be re-engineered...a Republican says "Who's been drinking out of my glass?"...a Zen Master quietly picks up the glass and drinks...an opportunist drinks the contents while the other two argue...an Accountant wants to know why you're wasting money on a glass that's obviously too large...A physicist says the glass is neither. It is completely full, half with water, the other half with air...An analyst says it is neither, it simply contains 50% of its potential capacity....An alcoholic says “Make it a double”...an optometrist says you need new glasses...we hear "It doesn't matter." from The Nihilist..."Forget about it, just smash it." from The Anarchist..."There's no need to argue." from The Pacifist..."It is what it is" from The Fatalist.

Get it? Everyone has their own perspective, on everything! Another way to look at it is to take a glass and look thorough it at your vehicle, you have now filled the glass with something a whole lot bigger than you think it would hold. In reality (if I may use that concept here) all you have done is change your perspective.

You can do this perspective changing thing with your thoughts too. Dr Dyer says “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” There is so much truth in that statement for when you begin to look with new eyes and with love you start to see things that way. Wonder of wonders, as you continue to look for peace and joy and allow them to permeate your mind, they permeate your heart.

Now here is the cool part; from your heart, your new mind-stream will flow out to all around you, capture them and spread into their sphere of influence and flow out and continue on and on. How do you think the world would be if everyone did this? I can see lots of lovely things happening in lots of unexpected places. People really helping others with no ulterior motives, only love. Hunger, war, hate, famine, intolerance, neglect, abuse, and other things will fade away. A bit optimistic you say? Well, yes, thank you for making my point.

 Bright Blessings Chessie
© Chessie Roberts 2012, all rights reserved

“May the entire Universe be filled with Peace and Joy, Love and Light. May the light of Truth overcome all darkness! Victory to that Light! Jai!”

WHY WE SHOULDN'T TAKE THINGS SO PERSONALLY AND HOW TO STOP

WHY WE SHOULDN'T TAKE THINGS SO PERSONALLY AND HOW TO STOP

I don't know about you but sometimes, despite the determined effort on my part to be a detached adult, I fall victim to some offhand comment by someone who cannot possibly know anything about me, that I take personally. I allow the remark to make me feel small and ineffectual because it blind-sides me on a deep personal level. This causes a knee-jerk reaction in me that I don't even realize is there until it happens....and “poof” I'm a child again. I know from conversations with clients, friends and family members that this happens to ALL of us at one time or another.

So the question arises; “Why does this happen?” “How do we stop it?” Part of the situation lies in our childhood (don't roll your eyes, it IS where it starts) During punishment, a lot of the time we are made to feel small, ineffectual, wrong and worthless. If we grow up with out an opportunity to turn that around (and sometimes, even if we were) a situation arises that throws us right back into the mind-set. I have battled this most of my adult life and still it gets past me so I thought I would share some of my strategies with you today.

 

As we learn to stay on an even keel here we find we can stay powerful without losing our center, we stay in control of our own person, we stay grounded because we know that we are in charge of us and this is a reward in and of itself. Once you allow yourself to experience this state of being and realize how good it feels, you will want to be in that mind-stream all the time.

Listen to what you say when you talk to yourself. Most of the scenarios are self righteous rants that have absolutely nothing to do with what really happened, they are about what you may wish had happened. You always play the role of the victim in your story and you always come out on top. As you investigate your tales of woe, you will see patterns in them that can lead you to what is going on in your head when these events occur. When you begin to see these patterns, you can then identify your “pay-off” and can begin to change your mental actions to create new, empowering thought processes.

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“Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about "me."{The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz}

“What others think about is none of your business.”{anon}

When we react “personally” we allow ourselves to be poisoned by a supposed thought process. The person who spoke was responding to their own feelings and more than likely had given no thought to you and your feelings at all. Most of the time an attack comes because of how they feel, not because of you. Allowing another person to pull your strings is to give away your power to them whether you know them or not.

OK so what do we do to stop it? I have some ways I use that might be helpful to you;

Don't jump to the conclusion that someone is trying to hurt you; If this is a habit of this behavior (and they all are habits) it is your habitual thought process to think that you are being attacked. Chances are that they are having a bad day, possibly they are thinking about something else and you just got in the way. Maybe they thought they were joking. Your first thought may be to react emotionally, but stop for a minute and remember that you are not the center of the universe and just maybe it's not about you at all. But imposing this short time out on yourself, you allow your emotions time to settle on the side of calm rather than to fly off the handle and be offended or hurt.

Change your perspective from “how you feel” to “What are they really saying”. If you stay in the “how I feel” mind-stream, you will stay focused on the unpleasant feelings that you are experiencing, and when you wallow in those feelings, they get worse. If you are taking into consideration where the other person is coming from you can see different options;

Ask yourself, “How does this person act toward others? Do they insult or tease everyone? Just certain people? Some people don't know any better or are on the offensive all of the time. This is NOT your fault nor your problem, don't own it.

Could the other person possibly feel threatened by you in some way? If you can see how they might, try to find a way to help them get over it, don't lower yourself to raise another.

Maybe the other person hasn't learned how to deal with others and situations in a mature way. You can be more patient with someone throwing a temper tantrum when you realize they are acting from a place of ignorance and immaturity than you can if you are coming from the same place.

Don't call your committee and rehash the incident. This is an immature form of wallowing that keeps you in a state of victim think. It prolongs the drama and reinforces the feelings and reaction that you say you are trying to out grow/let go of.

Realize that you are sensitive to what you think others are thinking Because of this you have strong reactions to body English, voice tone and inflection that signal you that you are in the wrong, whether you are or not. This is learned behavior and, if you work at it a bit you can unlearn it. You do not need the approval of others, you do not need to fix any thing or anyone (but yourself) Just because someone is displeased either with you or the situation it does not mean that you are at fault; however, if you ACT like you feel at fault, it will be assumed that you are.

“I am not sure you know how your words/actions make me feel.” Tell the offending person just how you feel. You can't assume they know if you don't tell them, they may just be venting and not have a clue how the fall-out is affecting those who are hearing it. Speak gently but with authority (whether you actually feel it or not) Use non confrontational words and be as pleasant as you can. This may open a dialog that can fix a lot of issues, be sure to use active listening.

Don't rely on praise to help you feel better; Complements are nice and have their place in life but don't allow them to be your bench mark for your self worth. When you do you are still allowing others to decide how YOU feel about yourself you are just taking your information from a different direction. When you receive a compliment take it as no more than that persons observational statement. It is just their opinion, not a reflection on you but a statement about what they liked.

Make your offering without shame or guilt; Some people will like what you offer and some will not and that is all right. You never know when your humble offering is just what some one needed to turn their life around or make it better. You don't even need to know who or when.

Time can be a cause of seeming indifference; Don't be offended because you don't get a response right away. You are not the other person's priority. They will get to you when they can. Depending upon your request you may want to contact them again in an appropriate amount of time.

Our society is so fast moving we often receive or send what feels like a snippy answer. When and if this happens don't react...take time to cool down and act (from your angry, hurt, or upset response) and then reread the e-mail/text with a cooler head. Don't put any emotion into it, just read it, then respond in a clam, loving and understanding way.

If you don't understand or feel you are misinterpreting a reaction, ask. One year I was given a beautiful leather jacket as a Christmas present by my son and his family. When I tried it on it didn't fit so I showed him it didn't fit while apologizing a blue streak for not fitting inside it, mu guilt fueled by the look of disappointment on his face. He said he was sorry too and walked out of the room. For many months I squirmed not knowing if I had hurt his feelings or what was going to happen, I was afraid to ask, for 3 months. One day I got up the nerve to ask my daughter-in-law if I had offended them by not just taking the jacket. She looked stunned and then laughed, “No, of course not, didn't he tell you what we are doing about it?” With that one question we opened communication and got it all straight. I will ask sooner next time. Know that it is OK to ask.

The other side of asking is listening; Pay attention to what the other person is saying. Don't be so busy thinking up your next statement that you miss what is being said, that is how miscommunication happens. As you listen you may realize that your first thought was way off the mark. One you learn to actively listen and do it all the time, you will lessen the times that you misunderstand or react emotionally.

It is alright to walk away; if you feel that you will lose your cool, walk away until you are under control and then, if it is really important to you, go back and with nonjudgmental language, discuss it with the other person. Don't assign blame or make excuses. You might say something like “I feel that I may have misunderstood what you were trying to tell me earlier, I am ready to try again if you are.”

As you grow through your life and learn to handle first one thing and then another, your ability to communicate without losing you own center or giving over your power to someone else will serve you well. You will be well on your way to your Evolution of Self; Journey into Body, Mind, Spirit Balance! Bright Blessings, Chessie

© Chessie Roberts 2012, all rights reserved

Life Lessons, Choices, Destiny, Karma and the Law of Attraction

                Life Lessons, Choices, Destiny, Karma

                          and the Law of Attraction

“Destiny is what we make of it, Karma is how we shape it and Law of Attraction is a tool we can use to achieve the end that we want.” (TR)

Adversity, Karma, luck, good or bad; whatever you want to call it is something that we all live with. Because we have choices at every crossroads, we can choose to be victimized by it or choose to use it for what it actually is, a life lesson from which to grow.

By choosing to turn your mind-set toward the positive you can turn any situation around, change a negative into a positive. By looking at each situation as your ‘next best thing’ you create a freeing and empowering thought process. This is the choice that allows you to take your own power back from any situation that seems to be “adversity or bad luck”. By feeling an emotion of a positive nature, you incorporate the law of attraction to drive manifestation that will create what you want. You create a fertile area of positivity that allows your new mind-set to flourish.

I have taught this lesson for many years now and this is how I learned it. Some time ago I thought I might have breast cancer and took steps to find out the truth of the matter. Anyone who has gone through this process knows how much wait time there is and how frightening that can be. While you wait your mind goes through all kinds of scenarios and possibilities and well-meaning friends tell you every horror story they have ever heard or encountered to the end that you are soon terrified beyond all reason and I was no exception.

My saving grace was, that because of Evolution of Self and the research I had done to create it, I realized what the fear was doing to my physicality and was able to stop it. Because your mind and body eavesdrops on each other all of the time and your body creates whatever your mind tells it to. Holding negative thoughts about a situation long enough for your emotions (your driving force) to become involved only makes those fears a reality. I made a conscious decision to choose to see this as my next best thing, thus giving my mind a new emotion to call on.

If I did have the heinous thing I would use my experience to help others in the same situation. If it turned out that I did not have it, I would use my experience to teach this lesson. The second I made that decision and voiced it to my husband, all the fear left me, and I stopped doing damage to myself while I waited. Because I was not living in a state of apprehension and fear my physicality was not creating the chemicals that would eventually make my fears my reality.

As it turned out I didn’t have it but the lesson is a valuable one that I embrace every day. In choosing to embrace what looked like something awful and turn it to my advantage, I was able to choose a better way and so can you.
Bright Blessings, Chessie

© Chessie Roberts, 2011, all rights reserved

I LOVE THIS PERSON BUT WHERE DO THEIR ACCUSATIONS COME FROM?

                        I LOVE THIS PERSON

BUT WHERE DO THEIR ACCUSATIONS COME                                           FROM?

Those of you who have taken Evolution of Self; Journey into Body, Mind, Spirit Balance are familiar with the terms, “core values”, “life experiences” and “mind-stream ©”. These are imbedded, deeply seated programs that run under every action you take and every idea or perception that you have about the world and the people around you. All of these reactions are filtered through your programs. People will respond from these two bases of operation every time; the higher the stress, the closer to this basis one’s reactions are.

The more enlightened person has gone within and examined their personal programming and taken the proper steps to correct what they can and rise above what they cannot. The less enlightened person continues to operate from a less evolved standpoint.

One’s core values are the “lines you will not cross or tolerate”; lying, stealing, murder, judgment and the like. Everyone has them in differing degrees but not everyone adheres to them in all situations. The challenge is how high you set your personal bar and how often you choose to limbo under it. The more enlightened, higher vibrational a person, the truer they will be to these core values and the less they will accept lowered values in those around them. I am not speaking of judgment here; I mean that they will just not be around those who are not coming from a like starting point.

For those who have not yet done the work to better themselves, you will find that they are either living with and operating from either denial or ignorance. If they are coming from denial, they will more likely than not, wish to stay where they are. This comes from “the demon you know” thought process. Humans get comfortable with the situation in which they find themselves most often and choosing to see the need for change is scary and uncomfortable. Stepping out of one’s comfort zone into the unknown is often so frightening as to be paralyzing.

Once it is realized that “When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.” (Edward Teller) you will be able to find the strength and faith in yourself to move away from the pain and toward growth, positivity and enlightenment.

Denial is a tough nut to crack and best done from the INSIDE realizing that something is wrong and feeling the need to WANT to change. Until the person comes to this understanding within themselves, trying to ‘change them’ or ‘show them ‘the error of their ways’ is frustrating, futile and self-defeating and it really annoys them.

If on the other hand the person in question is coming from a platform of ignorance; they will more than likely see (eventually) where their work needs to begin. This dawning usually comes (most of the time slowly but each person’s timetable is different) from the observation of those around them who are making life work. The ignorance begins to lift, and the person begins to question their place in the scheme of things and find their answers, which of course leads to more questions…more answers…more questions… etc. but that is how growth and waking up works.

Life experiences are what any person has lived through. They are the lessons each person learns (or doesn’t) about the results they received from the choices that they have made throughout their respective life time. These experiences color a person’s feelings, ideas and perceptions about everything on many levels. As with anything else, these can be changed for the person’s betterment and for the greater good should the person choose to do so. The awareness of the fact that one always has choices is what brings on the desire to want to choose to change and that depends upon one’s mind-stream©. If the person lives with and enjoys the perceived benefits of victim think, chances are they will not want to choose change. Once you are aware that you make your own destiny, you are either freed or you run and hide. Hiding from the truth of a situation is never the right choice. If you can learn to look for solutions rather than problems, your life will be awesome!

Now ones “mind-stream”© refers to the path ones thought processes generally run. If a person bases their existence on lying to get by, that person thinks everyone lies and therefore they project that onto the world, so they trust no one. The person whose mindset is to steal, cheat, make excuses, slack off, or any other thing one can accuse another of doing works the same way; abuse begets abuse and mind-set begets mind-set. If, however (once again at the risk of repeating myself) you have chosen to go within and examine and redirect your mind-stream so that you have changed these perceptions of the world and understand all of these human short comings you see that there are things and people you don’t need to try and fix. This is true because, you are the only one you can control. The mature, enlightened individual can and does allow others and things to just be what they are.

Your best help for humanity is to show all those around you a life well lived and one that is working. As my mother used to say, “Tend to your knitting and others will tend to theirs or they won’t. If you are busy doing the right thing, you will spread that behavior to those watching you.”

Bright Blessings, Chessie

© Chessie Roberts 2010, all rights reserved

WHERE IS YOUR FOCUS?

                WHERE IS YOUR FOCUS?

When you contemplate your life and where it is now and where it is going, where is your focus? Are you looking at what you have or what you don’t have? What are you miserable about or what are you grateful for? Where have you been or where are you going? What do you truly want or what you think you should want? Are you concerned about what others think you should be doing or are you focused on what you truly want to be doing?

In short are you living your life or one that others have told you that you should be living? If you are not happy in your life, what are you doing to change it? Do you know how to change?

Let’s talk about your mind-stream for a moment. Your mind-stream is what I call your regular or constant thought track. If you are in the habit of thinking about what you don’t want, like, feel etc. what you are actually doing is calling all of that into your life, especially if you feel any emotion about these thoughts. The Universe hears/feels your negative, hurtful and ugly vibrations of “don’t/can’t have” and answers, “OK, you’ve got it.”

Let’s turn that around to a better way. Decide what you truly want and get emotional about that. The Universe will hear/feel your raised, positive, loving vibrations and answers, “OK, you’ve got it.”

OK now ask yourself which of these is better for, and more worthy of you? Do you want to lower your life’s vibrations and wallow in victim think? Or would you rather raise your vibrations to meet those of the Universe and become the happy, successful “I CAN” that you were meant to be? As always, the choice is yours and up to you.

I wish you best, worthy, balanced choices and bright blessings Chessie

© Chessie Roberts 2010 all rights reserved