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DENIAL AND OTHER OPIATES
“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we
do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid.” (Richard Bach)
Any addictive behavior that keeps us from fully living to our highest potential
is a denial or an opiate. Some examples are, over shopping, hoarding, self-pity,
blaming others for unfortunate circumstances, drugs, alcohol, minimizing,
religion, television, justification, denial of any cycle of behavior that
creates pain and/or suffering. All of us use these, and other coping mechanisms
from time to time and that is alright. Getting stuck there is asking to create
problems for ourselves as well as for those around us.
One of the reasons we use to make relying on denial and the numbing of our
feelings ok, is that we are trying to avoid pain, or our anticipation of it. We
lie to ourselves to make it seem like everything is alright. Denial and numbing
are normal and natural responses for dealing with painful or overwhelming
problems.
By using
thoughts, actions and manipulation to defend against the pain of realizing the
presence of things in our lives that we would rather not face, is just to
prolong the inevitable. By sinking into addictive, manipulative or abusive
behavior we just create more of what we don’t want, pain, misery and
unhappiness.
Once we
begin to lie to ourselves, we think that we feel a lot more comfortable because
we begin to believe that we are in control again. In reality we are not. The
same is true of addictive or manipulative behavior. Addiction creates the
dependency on the act of addiction we choose. We keep thinking (wrongly) that
if we try the behavior one more time, things will get better. Of course they
don’t, so we continue our vicious cycle.
The trap with the lying is that, since nothing terrible has happened as a result
of lying to ourselves, we kid ourselves into thinking that our lie is now the
truth. From here we progress to lying to others and this is where the trouble
starts.
The actual
truth becomes further and further removed from our conscious awareness of what
is worthy of us, creating problems within our mind/spirit connection. As this
connection deteriorates our physicality gets in on the act. When this occurs,
eventually the lies begin to show up as physical problems, aches, pains,
illness and the like.
We sometimes see the advantages of denial as; having others feel sorry for us
and so they try to ‘help fix’ us so we don’t have to do it, not having to take
responsibility for our actions or behavior, not having to face what seems to be
a problem with no solution, or not having to deal with a personal short coming.
Some of the disadvantages of using denial are; that it eventually blocks our
recognition of our initial problem or flaw so we don’t see what we need to work
on to make our life right. Denial and addictive behavior create the illusion
that the problem is being solved or that there are more important issues to
deal with so that the main issue does not need to be solved, or that it doesn’t
exist at all. Denial and obsessive behavior are detrimental to all three levels
of our life: body, mind, and spirit.
These create
the downward spiral that causes dis-ease, as well as an imbalance that will
eventually become severe enough to make us ill.
OK, so how
do you fix this? Well, dare to be honest with yourself and ask the tough
questions. What problems do you truly have in your life, your job, and your
relationships? Just where and what do you feel are your weaknesses, flaws or
limitations? Are they really things that you can change or control? How long
have you been putting these things on the back burner? Which aspects of your
self do feel is contributing to these problems? Write them down and then
prioritize them by their importance to you.
I caution you here to be loving and gentle with yourself as you ask and answer
these questions. It has been your skewed perspective and fear that got you here
in the first place so don’t hurt yourself further by being harsh. There is a
difference between being truthful and being critical.
Look for the
good that is in you as you weed out what you want to change. Just understanding
that there is work for you to do may be enough to start with. Shining the light
of truth into those dark corners may seem scary at first but I tell you that is
the most freeing and healing thing you can do for yourself. By keeping yourself
in the dark, you are actually putting yourself at risk of your problems getting
to the point that secondary ones develop as a result of not addressing your
primary issues. It is like taking a pill to reduce a fever without determining
what caused the fever in the first place.
Change is possible. It can be done. Your problems can be solved or effectively
managed if you choose to take responsibility for your part in creating them and
act with conscious awareness to do something about them. The choice to stay
unhappy and ill or to become the healthy whole person you were meant to be is
yours. Remember that “you cannot solve a problem with the same mindset that
created it” (Einstein)
Here's to reaching your goal of wholeness.
Bright Blessings, Chessie
© Chessie Roberts, 2011 all rights reserved
